Month: January 2017

Weekend Box Office: January 27, 2017

Split came out on top last weekend with $40 million. At least Hidden Figures has an Oscar nom?

Yu-Gi-Oh! The Dark Side Of Dimensions brings Millenials’ favorite anime to the big screen…for the third time.

Gold stars Matthew McConaughey as a broke businessman who buys a gold mine in the 1980s, gets rich as hell, and probably loses “everything.” Based on the life of Canadian businessman, David Walsh.

The Daughter is about a young woman whose life crumbles when her father’s friend informs him that her biological father is someone else entirely. Good to see that Paul Schneider is playing jerks again?

I Am Michael stars James Franco as Michael Glatze, a gay activist who decides to be straight and become a pastor. Emma Roberts is his deeply Christian wife and Zachary Quinto is his ex-boyfriend.

Buddies in India is a Chinese/Indiana action comedy.

Lost in Florence is about a man who takes up an aggressive, Italian sport in the midst of a spate of grief spurned by a dejected proposal.

Kung-Fu Yoga stars Jackie Chan as a “renowned archaeology professor” in pursuit of ancient Indian treasure.

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter is the supposed final film in a series that shouldn’t have been made?

Un Padre No Tan Padre is about a man taken in by his son after he is kicked out of his nursing home.

Bastards stars Owen Wilson and Ed Helms are two men who find out as adults that their father is alive, not dead as they had been informed.

A Dog’s Purpose is an emotionally manipulative drama (being boycotted by PETA!) about a dog reincarnated over the decades so that he may bring hope back to his first owner. Or something. Somehow Dennis Quaid agreed to this.

Confidential Assignment is a Korean action film.

Staying Vertical is a very French film about a filmmaker who must raise his child alone while working on his film.

The Salesman is the latest drama from Asghar Farhadi (About Elly, A Separation), who tells the store of a man who seeks revenge against a man who assaulted his wife.

Paris 05:59: Théo & Hugo is a French film about two men who meet at a club, and the 23 hours they spend together.

Weekend Box Office: January 20, 2017

Hidden Figures was last weekend’s No. 1 movie (for the second week in a row!), pulling in $20.4 million. I won’t mince words, and I’ll tell you what to do with your life when I say that you have better things to do this weekend than see La La Land and Hidden Figures. We must fight the new age of bread and circuses and mobilizes against the hating, minority of this nation.

The Sunshine Makers is a documentary about “The story of Nicholas Sand and Tim Scully, the unlikely duo at the heart of 1960s American drug counter-culture.” Have questions about acid and/or LSD? Watch this.

Axe Murders of Villisca is a cheap horror film with nauseating “found footage” piggybacking the unsolved, true story of the massacre of an entire family. Classy!

Trespass Against Us is a crime drama starring Brendan Gleeson and Michael Fassbender.

Detour stars Tye Sheridan as a petulant, grieving drunk who gets sucked into a violent criminal world of a “stripper companion” and a violent dude.

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage is the third xXx film and finds Vin Diesel returning to the title role, and Vitamin Water’s xXx flavor return to relevance.

The Founder stars Michael Keaton as Ray Kroc, the salesman who turned McDonalds into the global franchise it is today. Mac and Dick McDonald are played by John Carroll Lynch and Nick Offerman.

Split is a horror film from M. Night Shyamalan, and is loosely connected to his 2000 film Unbreakable, which was a pile of garbage when I was forced to watch it in AP Lit and is a pile of garbage now. James McAvoy chews the scenery are a man with 24 prominent personalities. He kidnaps two bubbly, well-liked teenagers and their unpopular, disliked companion (so why is she even with them?) from a parking lot in broad daylight. The unpopular girl uses his personalities against them (or is the insane one all along, and this is another version of High Tension). That girl is played by Anya Taylor-Joy, so it has that going for it.

The Resurrection of Gavin Stone is about a celebrity who pretends to be Christian so he can play Jesus at a Megachurch’s Passion play. That would make a great dark comedy, but this is a wholesome comedy for born again, so.

The Red Turtle is an animated film about a castaway’s life on an island in the ocean. The film contains no dialogue and looks gorgeous.