Weekend Box Office: January 20, 2017

Hidden Figures was last weekend’s No. 1 movie (for the second week in a row!), pulling in $20.4 million. I won’t mince words, and I’ll tell you what to do with your life when I say that you have better things to do this weekend than see La La Land and Hidden Figures. We must fight the new age of bread and circuses and mobilizes against the hating, minority of this nation.

The Sunshine Makers is a documentary about “The story of Nicholas Sand and Tim Scully, the unlikely duo at the heart of 1960s American drug counter-culture.” Have questions about acid and/or LSD? Watch this.

Axe Murders of Villisca is a cheap horror film with nauseating “found footage” piggybacking the unsolved, true story of the massacre of an entire family. Classy!

Trespass Against Us is a crime drama starring Brendan Gleeson and Michael Fassbender.

Detour stars Tye Sheridan as a petulant, grieving drunk who gets sucked into a violent criminal world of a “stripper companion” and a violent dude.

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage is the third xXx film and finds Vin Diesel returning to the title role, and Vitamin Water’s xXx flavor return to relevance.

The Founder stars Michael Keaton as Ray Kroc, the salesman who turned McDonalds into the global franchise it is today. Mac and Dick McDonald are played by John Carroll Lynch and Nick Offerman.

Split is a horror film from M. Night Shyamalan, and is loosely connected to his 2000 film Unbreakable, which was a pile of garbage when I was forced to watch it in AP Lit and is a pile of garbage now. James McAvoy chews the scenery are a man with 24 prominent personalities. He kidnaps two bubbly, well-liked teenagers and their unpopular, disliked companion (so why is she even with them?) from a parking lot in broad daylight. The unpopular girl uses his personalities against them (or is the insane one all along, and this is another version of High Tension). That girl is played by Anya Taylor-Joy, so it has that going for it.

The Resurrection of Gavin Stone is about a celebrity who pretends to be Christian so he can play Jesus at a Megachurch’s Passion play. That would make a great dark comedy, but this is a wholesome comedy for born again, so.

The Red Turtle is an animated film about a castaway’s life on an island in the ocean. The film contains no dialogue and looks gorgeous.

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