So did one of the Gods of TVland say “I’ve got an idea! Let’s just release everything to traditional AND streaming on one day–let’s say Thursday March 3, 2022.” One of those in charge of implementing the gods capricious wishes surely replied “you can’t possibly mean everything?!,” upon which said God did a slow burn and bellowed “EVEEEEERYTHIIIIIIING!” Well, in any case, it sure feels that way as so many big new and returning titles drop today. We came so close to having two different miniseries about recent scandals starring Kate McKinnon as a quirky con artist–or at least likely con artist in the case of the one she actually did wind up playing.

KATHERINE’S PICK:
Joe vs. Carole [Peacock]
I’m embarrassed to highlight Tiger King in any capacity (we’ll even refrain from hyperlinking), but Peacock’s drama stars John Cameron Mitchell as Joe Exotic and Kate McKinnon as Carole Baskin. You can’t possibly expect me to have enough self-control to ignore that.

BRAD’S PICK:
Our Flag Means Death [HBO Max]
Stede Bonnet, a pampered aristocrat, abandons his life of privilege to become a pirate in the early 18th century. So reads the description of this new goofy comedy. Add Taika Waititi, Fred Armisen and Rhys Darby we could be looking at the next What We Do In The Shadows. I’m not sure recommendations come any higher.

JASON’S PICK:
Dicktown [FXX, 10p]
Freed from its former role as part of the quirky animation fest Cake, this sometimes silly, but mostly hilarious animated show follows a one-time kids detective (think Encycolpedia Brown) who, now middle-aged, solves local crime (in the titular city) with his former bully. It’s co-created by John Hodgman, who also voices the lead character, so that should give you a good idea as to whether this show is for you. 

FIONA’S PICK:
Top Chef [Bravo, 8p]
Padma and Tom are back to judge a new batch of chefs as this beloved reality competition show returns for it’s 19th season. This time we’re in Houston! Get ready to see a lot of barbecue. 

BUT, WAIT, THERE’S MORE:

• Amanda Seyfried stars as Elizabeth Holmes, the undeniably odd CEO wunderkind wannabe at the center of one of the most bizarre cons in modern history. Holmes donned Steve Jobs’ clothes and affected an impossibly deep voice to hawk a breakthrough medical device for her company Theranos that would streamline the way that humans were diagnosed. It was impressive. It was revolutionary. Only, as probably everyone reading this knows, it was all a lie! The long-awaited The Dropout begins today on Hulu.
• Jamie Dornan gets the Bourne treatment as after a car crash, he finds himself without a clue being pursued by mysterious hit men across the Australian outback in the simply titled The Tourist on HBO Max. Early reviews are very positive.
• In the Netflix thriller The Weekend Away, two friends are on an international vacation. When one disappears, the other has to clear her own name.

• Give your ID card to the border guards! Patrick Stewart is back as Capt. Jean-Luc Picard of the United Federation of Planets, for the middle season of Star Trek: Picard on Paramount+. As you can see from the picture above, John de Lancie will be reprising his role as the popular villain whose name has been distorted by online idiots and red hat wearing fools.
• If you’ve ever wanted to see Romulus Roy explain to you the stonk revolution of 2021, you’ll be elated to hear about Gaming Wall Street. Kieran Culkin narrates the HBO Max documentary which happened when a bunch of random renegades bought stock in Game Stop to mess with hedge fund workers before a rogue group Robin Hood came in and stole from the rich and the poor and gave to themselves… maybe? Perhaps is will be clearer after watching this documentary.
• The plot of Echos on Sundance Now is intriguing as bored rich teens in Munich host a rave in an underground tunnel that backfires when a fire breaks out. A few of the friends are left behind in the warrens where they have to look out for the CHUDs… or, well, the society living there who just hate EDM… oh, and fires that destroy their possessions and kill their members.

• With Ukranian president Volodymyr Zelenskyy showing how effective a political comedian can be as the leader of a country, even under incredible duress like defending against an illegal invasion, StewBeef’s name has been coming up as a potential future leader here. It’s a ridiculous notion really, nor do I suspect he wants it, but he’s still one of the funniest humans on Earth. His latest faux news creation, The Problem with Jon Stewart, returns with a new batch of first season episodes on Apple TV.
• If you wanted to see an animated character yell at production assistants, Little Ellen comes back on HBO Max.
• If you ever wondered who was the greater restaurant rehabber–Robert Irvine or Jon Taffer–that seems like a bit of an off the beaten path notion, but who are we to yuk your yums, especially given Discovery+ has greenlighted the culinary battle reality series Restaurant Rivals: Irvine vs. Taffer.