Ted Lasso chimed in with his definition of Hallmark Christmas movies as “films that feature women from the big city falling in love with their childhood crushes. It’s usually some fella that owns a Christmas tree farm. Sometimes he’s a prince or Santa Claus. They kinda suck, but they’re also kinda great. But they also suck. They’re good with the sound off.” This was specifically for Christmas movies, but most of it works for non-seasonal Hallmark movies, although the Christmas Tree farm is usually an artisinal bakery or used bookstore, and there are rarely princes and never Santa Claus. They often star Lacey Chabert but A Picture of Her does not. It stars Rhiannon Fish and Tyler Hines and strays a bit farther than usual from the formula as both of our future romantic coupling peeps are in L.A. He’s a photographer and she’s some kind of busy businesswoman who he’s shot a picture of for the cover of a tabloid. Clamato, ClamAto: if you love Hallmark flicks, you’ll be drawn to it.

• Lifetime movies, of course, are sometimes like that, but more often play to the viewer’s fears than their dreams. Every Breath She Takes looks like it has a Gone Girl gender switch plot and the title is cribbed (paraphrased) from the most stalkery hit song of all time. And Sarah McLachlan charted with a song based on a letter from her actual stalker. Anyway, our point is that this Lifetime movie leans into the fears formula.
• And it’s a very quiet non-SNL Saturday–Quinta Brunson hosts nest week–so that’s all we got in our no-real-rec Saturday. At least our song choices are obvious.