In theaters  Friday, February 3:

80 for Brady is an absolutely improbably comedy about four women desperate to meet Tom Brady, who is still playing for the Patriots. I hate this. I refuse to believe–no matter what they tell Kelly Clarkson–Rita Moreno, Lily Tomlin, Jane Fonda, and Sally Field would go to this much work for a man who cheats and has never eaten a strawberry.

Full Time, a French drama, follows a single mother whose plans are…derailed (sorry) but a national transit strike, making it harder to reach the job that will help her make ends meet.

Knock at the Cabin, from director M. Night Shyamalan, and adapted from the 2018 novel The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay, stars Dave Bautista, Jonathan Groff, Ben Aldridge, Nikki Amuka-Bird, Kristen Cui, Abby Quinn, and Rupert Grint. Three strangers take a family (two men and their adopted daughter) hostage on what they believe is the eve of the apocalypse.

Let It Be Morning is an Israeli drama based on the Hebrew-language novel Let It Be Morning by Palestinian author Sayed Kashua. A Palestinian-born Israeli citizen is unable to return home from his brother’s wedding when the road is blocked by Israeli soldiers.

The Blind Man Who Did Not Want to See Titanic is a “comedy drama romance thriller,” which I think says almost everything you need to know. A blind, disabled man receives help from five strangers on his difficult journey to meet with the woman he loves.

The Amazing Maurice is an animated film about Maurice, a talking cat, who embarks on a scheme with talking rats. The voice cast includes Hugh Laurie, Emilia Clarke, Himesh Patel, Joe Sugg, Gemma Arterton, David Tennant, Hugh Bonneville, and Ariyon Bakare.

Streaming on Netflix:

Infiesto is a Spanish-language thriller.

Stromboli is a foreign-language drama about a woman who joins a self-help retreat after her vacation goes badly.

True Spirit is a bio-drama about Jessica Watson, who circumnavigated alone at age 16.

Viking Wolf is a supernatural teen thriller.

Streaming Thursday, February 9:

Dear David is an Indonesian romantic drama. A young woman is threatened at school when her erotic friend fiction is leaked to the class.

In theaters February 10, 2023

The Blue Caftan is an Arabic-language drama written and directed by Maryam Touzani. A woman and her closeted husband run a caftan store in Morocco. Their life is upended by the hiring of an apprentice.

Consecration is a horror film starring Jenna Malone as a nun. (A cruel result after her peer crashed her van into Jesus, I guess.) She “uncovers murder, sacrilege and a disturbing truth about herself” in Scottland while investigating the alleged suicide of a priest. The movie will be available VOD on March 10.

Magic Mike’s Last Dance, the third and final film in the Magic Mike trilogy, stars Channing Tatum as, well, Magic Mike. Salma Hayek Pinault stars, too. Now a bartender in Florida, Mike takes to the stage! In London!  

Streaming on Netflix:

10 Days of a Good Man, the first in a trilogy, is a Turkish thriller. A former lawyer becomes a private investigator.

Your Place or Mine, a romantic comedy written and directed by Aline Brosh McKenna, star Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher as two best friends who swap houses for a week (and we assume, fall in love).

Streaming Monday:

Squared Love All Over Again is a Hindi-Polish romantic drama. A celebrity journalist and a teacher find their relationship in trouble. This is a sequel, and it’s a romantic holiday week, so I’m sure everything will be fine.

And Tuesday:

All the Places, a Mexican dramedy, is about two siblings who revive their relationship through a cross-country trip through Mexico. The trailer was not available at press time!

A Sunday Affair is a comedy. Two besties fall in love with the same man. I hope they choose each other at the end.

Re/Member is a Japanese-language teen horor. Six teenagers are stuck in a murderous time loop. Like Groundhog Day!

In theaters Wednesday, February 15:

Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey, a reimagining of the A.A. Milne universe through a horror lens. The release of this film is a Fathom Event (so it’s likely one night only and in limited markets) with no plans for streaming or VOD (though I would be surprised if it doesn’t make its way somewhere). However, this is likely to be a sensation with a particular crowd (I find myself amused that Pooh and Piglet look like men in masks; I do not love that Pooh terrorizes a group of young women, one of which was sent there to recover from a traumatic event, what the misogynistic fuck are we doing in 2023). The film was shot over ten days in Ashdown Forest, which served as inspiration for Hundred Acre Wood. Two sequels are planned: Bambi: The Reckoning and Peter Pan: Neverland Nightmare.

In theaters Friday, February 17

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania, the third Ant-Man movie, follows Scott Lang (Ant-Man) and Hope Van Dyne (the Wasp) as they go into the Quantum Realm (which is…not good?) and face Kang the Conqueror. The original cast returns, and Kang is portrayed by Jonathan Majors. Paul Rudd brings a lot of fun to this franchise, but Majors deserves better than this role and the series of bland films he’s been cast in lately.

Emily, an imagined biography of novelist and poet Emily Brontë, follows the author through the moors as she remembers the people and affairs that inspired Wuthering Heights, her only novel. Some have noted that her sister Anne appears, but is not depicted as a writer, while the film ends as Charlotte begins Jane Eyre. Look, I hate made-up history, but I can’t wait to watch this. 

Of an Age is an Australian romantic film. A Serbian immigrant in Australia falls in love with the brother of his ballroom dance partner. Looks good!

Streaming on Netflix:

Unlocked is a horror movie about your smartphone.

Streaming that Wednesday:

The Strays is a thriller? about a woman whose life unravels with the arrival of new neighbors.

That Thursday:

Call Me Chihiro is Japan’s answer to Amelie.

In theaters Friday, February 24

God’s Time, an IFC film, is a comedy! Two friends race through New York City in an effort to stop their friend from murdering her ex. A trailer was not available at presstime.

Linoleum stars Jim Gaffigan as a man in crisis determined to build his own rocketship. I don’t need to see middleaged men struggle anymore, not when they own houses in the suburbs, and definitely not when they’re Jim Gaffigan.

Bunker is a horror film about a group of trapped WWI soldiers haunted by an otherworldly presence. (Or maybe it’s gas.)

Jesus Revolution is a Christian film (the production company is Kingdom Story Company) starring Kelsey Grammer as Chuck Smith, the founder of Calvary Chapel. (Among the many criticisms of Smith, a glaring one is that he tolerated financial and sexual “improprieties” within his organization.) Smith opens his doors to Lonnie Frisbee, a “hippie” who looked like Jesus. The movie posits that it’s great to be openminded and cross generational and cultural divides–and who would disagree, except that it always seems to be an argument to be nice to bigots, and I’m not doing that. 

Cocaine Bear, a dark comedy about the true story “of a drug runner’s plane crash, missing cocaine, and the black bear that ate it.” This story is all-around pretty sad, but the comedy of the film doesn’t appear disrespectful, and may be the highlight of the month. Directed by Elizabeth Banks, the film stars Keri Russell, Brooklynn Prince, O’Shea Jackson Jr., Christian Convery-Jennings, Matthew Rhys, Ray Liotta, Alden Ehrenreich, Isiah Whitlock Jr., Jesse Tyler Ferguson, and Margo Martindale.

Juniper stars Charlotte Rampling as an acerbic and alcoholic grandmother. The film is set in the 1990s. This looks depressing but who can say no to Charlotte?

Mummies is an animated film about mummies–who are all voiced by British people. What the FUCK.

Streaming on Hulu:

Bruiser, a drama “about toxic masculinity” starring Jalyn Hall and Trevante Rhodes.

On Netflix:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=82I1ErFD63UWe Have a Ghost is a comedy? After he goes viral for having a haunted house, a young man is chased by the CIA after he tries to find the ghost himself.