Box Office Weekend: April 2022

We have plenty of movies this month, should you need to shelter from April showers (or near-freezing conditions, if you’re where we are). New movies in theaters and at home on Netflix and Hulu. (Their competitors seem to be offering mostly miniseries.) See the trailers for all of it below:

Currently in theaters:

The Nameless Days, a thriller, follows a man and his pregnant sister who are attacked by a demonic spirit when the cross the border illegally. So what about the border crossing prevents the spirit from attacking “legal” crossing?

Barbarians a dinner party “takes a nightmarish turn” in this drama set in a 24-hour period. This looks repetitive to me.

Gagarine, a drama, follows a young man who dreams of being an astronaut, “but must first” save his housing project from demolition. I’d watch the heck out of this.

You Won’t Be Alone, a period horror, is about an 18th century shapeshifting witch. It’s getting good reviews, stars Noomi Rapace, and is one of the few movies this month I’d give my time to see. 

Waterman is a documentary about about five-time Olympic medalist and native Hawaiian Duke Paoa Kahanamoku. It is narrated by Jason Mamoa.

Morbius, the latest Marvel movie, stars somehow-not canceled Jared Leto as a vampire. There’s a Dr. Strange thing at the end. It’s apparently not as bad as we feared, but, hoo, boy. Wow.

The Contractor stars Chris Pine as a veteran who joins a “private contracting organization” with his best friend, played by Ben Foster (so one of them is definitely going to die) “under the commaned of a fellow veteran.” I hate everything about this. Was this greenlit by babies in the biodome?

The Rose Maker, a dramedy, is about a bankrupt gardner on the verge of a buyout. Reminds me of the ‘90s.

Broken Soldier stars Ray Liotta, Sophie Turner, and Mark Kassen; a veteran with PTSD befriends a teenage girl. 

New this weekend on Netflix:

Apollo 10 1/2: A Space Age Childhood is an animated telling of the 1969 Moon landing, from the perspectives of the astronauts aboard and an excited American boy. It’s from Richard Linklater. (It was Brad’s pick last week!)

Battle: Freestyle, the sequel to 2018’s Battle, follows a young woman in a world-renowned dance crew. I didn’t know there was a Norwegian Step Up!

The Bubble, a Judd Apatow comedy, is about a group of actors struggling to finish a flying dinosaur movie in spite of the pandemic. I kind of want to watch this. (It was Jason’s pick last week!)

Coming Wednesday to the streaming platform:

Furioza is a gritty Polish drama about a policewoman who “makes her ex-boyfriend an offer he can’t refuse.” 

New in theaters April 8:

¡Viva Maestro! is a documentary about Los Angeles Philharmonic music and artistic director Gustavo Dudamel.

a-ha: The Movie is a documentary about Norway’s only international pop band. The film has a 100% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, though only six reviews.

Ambulance stars somehow-not canceled Jake Gyllenhaal and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II as two brothers who steal an ambulance after a failed heist. Eiza González and Garret Dillahunt also star. The film is an adaptation of a 2005 Danish film, which critics prefers to Michael Bay’s “unwieldy” film.

Sonic the Hedgehog 2, the sequel to 2020’s Sonic the Hedgehog stars Ben Schwartz reprising his role as the voice of Sonic the Hedgehog, with James Marsden, Tika Sumpter, Natasha Rothwell, Adam Pally, Shemar Moore, Colleen O’Shaughnessey, Lee Majdoub, Idris Elba and Jim Carrey.

Cow, directed by Andrea Arnold, is a documentary about the lives of two cows.

New next Friday on Netflix:

Dancing on Glass, a Spanish-language dance drama that echoes Heavenly Creatures.

Metal Lords, a comedy for youths, follows two young men who convince a girl (who doesn’t care about metal) to join their metal band in an effort to win the battle of the bands. Tom Morello is an executive producer. 

Yaksha: Ruthless Operations is a Chinese thriller. An undercover agent trying to restore his reputation doesn’t know who he can trust on a mission in Shenyang.

And Wednesday:

Today We Fix the World, which lacks a trailer. The Argentinian dramedy follows a man who is determined the find the biological son of his son when he learns that it’s not him.

New in theaters April 15:

Father Stu is an “inspiring true life story” starring Mark Wahlberg. (Legally, it can’t star anyone else.) Mel Gibson is in this too, so save your money.

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore …speaking of saving your money.

To Olivia stars Hugh Bonneville–as Roald Dahl. The very idea sends me into a tailspin. The film is about the unraveling of Dahl and Patricia Neal’s marriage after their daughter dies.  

Paris, 13th District, a French film about a love triangle between youths.

Room 203 is a horror film about two roommates afraid of what dwells in their basement. I don’t ask my landlord what’s down there and no one makes movies about it, pretty simple.

That day on Netflix:

Choose or Die, a modern take on War Games: “After firing up a lost ‘80s survival horror game, a young coder unleashes a hidden curse that tears reality apart, forcing her to make terrifying decisions and face deadly consequences.”

And on April 19:

White Hot: The Rise & Fall of Abercrombie & Fitch

What I submitted for our What to Watch feature: This documentary turns a critical lens to the store in the mall with the most OSHA violations: Abercrombie & Fitch. This look promises to trash the teen titan, which was racist as hell and reinforced a system of Regina George-style rules. Oddly, the brand is popular again, not for Gen Z’s fascination with the 2000s, but its apparent commitment to wardrobe staples. That probably won’t be covered, as these precious minutes of schadenfreude are likely to pair well exclusive with Hulu’s The Curse of VonDutch.

New in theaters April 22

The Northman, directed by Robert Eggers (who brought us The Witch and The Lighthouse), tells the Scandinavian legend of Amleth. So people like me and the high school football captain both want to see it. It stars Alexander Skarsgård, Nicole Kidman, Claes Bang, Anya Taylor-Joy, Ethan Hawke, Björk, and Willem Dafoe.

Saturday Fiction, a Chinese spy thriller, stars Gong Li and Mark Chao. It was released in China and competed in Venice in 2019.

Take Me to the River New Orleans is a documentary about New Orleans and its rich, cultural history.

The Bad Guys is an animated crime comedy for children. With voices from Sam Rockwell, Marc Maron, Anthony Ramos, Craig Robinson, Awkwafina, Richard Ayoade, Zazie Beetz, Lilly Singh, and Alex Borstein, it is an adaptation of the graphic novel by Aaron Blabley.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent stars Nicholas Cage as himself!! Cage is sent to appear at a billionaire’s birthday party for a handsome sum, but the billionaire, played by Pedro Pascal, is also a drug lord, so Cage is also a CIA operative. The perfect followup to Pig

Charlotte is an animated film about the life of German-Jewish painter Charlotte Salomon. While hiding in the south of France in the 1940s Salomon created over 700 works of art about her life. 

The Revolution Generation is a documentary about how Millennials might not suck. (But it’s our fault if we do.) Written and directed by Joshua Tickell and Rebecca Harrell Tickell, it stars and is narrated by Michelle Rodriguez. The film will stream on Amazon and Apple TV+ the same day.

Crush is on Hulu. It lacked a trailer at press time. It’s queer teen comedy!

And Along for the Ride is on Netflix:

We can’t ever shake Andie MacDowell, can we? 

Streaming on April 27:

The Mystery of Marilyn Monroe: The Unheard Tapes

From what I submitted to our What to Watch feature: Netflix explores the mystery surrounding the death of Marilyn Monroe through what they claim are previously unheard interviews with her inner circle.

Silverton Siege, a South African thriller inspired by true events: “After a failed sabotage mission, a trio of anti-apartheid freedom fighters ends up in a tense bank hostage situation.”

And two days later:

Honeymoon With My Mother, a Spanish-language comedy about a man who takes his mother on his honeymoon after he’s jilted at the altar.

Rumspringa

From what I submitted to our What to Watch feature: This German comedy (which Netflix promises is “heart-felt”) follows a young German man who travels to Berlin to connect with his German roots as part of Amish youths’ rite-of-passage.

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