Elite Eight: The Polls

And then there were eight!!!!!!!! The NCAA finals dribble on and so does Screen Scholars March Madness. With eight excellent, elated, and especially edifying television programs remaining, the final winner can be literally any one of them.

Why? Because I encourage voting early and often. The many upsets in this series are likely attributed to ballot stuffing. So grab your balls and get to the ballots! They’re below the break. (Make sure you scroll to the bottom, there’s four polls!)

Brooklyn Nine-Nine remains on top of the bracket’s left quadrant with 78 percent of the vote against Last Week Tonight with John Oliver. Despite his quips, Oliver had only 22 percent of the vote. Now Brooklyn Nine-Nine has its badges out for Grey’s Anatomy, which won in against Shrill; the new Hulu comedy flatlined with only 35.4 percent of the vote, leaving the Seattle-based hospital drama with 64.6 percent of the vote.

RuPaul’s Drag Race continues its winning streak, with 76.5 percent of the vote. Making It! gained only 26.5 percent of the vote. In the end, the show’s only edge was in its rulers. Now RuPaul and the Queens will lip sync for their life against The Good Place. Michael and his human friends (or maybe just Chidi) had 82.8 percent of the vote, while Kim’s Convenience received a paltry 17.2 percent of the vote. Appa will be devastated.

This will be a tough choice for many of our readers and editors. May the grace of God be with you.

Let’s Get Drunk’s Drunk History drank Adventure Time under the table, eliminating the division titled That’s Too Much, Man! RIP to a favored animated program. Drunk History’s ABV was 57.1 percent. It was a close race, and someone had to lose, so it was Adventure Time with 42.9 percent of the votes.

Drunk History will play drinking games with Good Trouble, who had 65 percent of the vote in a faceoff against Murphy Brown, who carried the Reboot division. Everything that’s new is old is also out of the playoffs.

Schitt’s Creek has been crowned the winner of the Family Affair divisions. The foul-mouth, beloved Canadians defeated the Chinese-Americans from Orlando, with 56.3 percent of the vote. (It was a close race, closer than when Moira ran for town council unopposed because Jocelyn dropped out. I know that in a race between Moira and Jessica Huang, it would be Moira dropping out, and not at the last minute. What would it be like, if Honey met Jocelyn?)

The comedy features the indomitable Riverdale, who made way with 57.1 percent of the vote. The teen drama defeated The Marvelous Mrs. Masiel, who will inspire the editors, despite receiving only 42.9 percent of the vote. If Archie and the gang rolled into Schitt’s Creek, Ottawa, Alexis would probably smile, wave, and reference that time she and Archie were at a party and it was totally lame because the Saudi Prince did something scary and dangerous. Wow, that’s a crossover I wasn’t emotionally prepared for.

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