Whether you want your horror over-the-top, under-the-surface, IRL, or tattooed on your tricep, we’ve got the program for you.

JASON’S PICK:
I Feel Bad [NBC, 10p]
Sarayu Blue gets her sitcom with a boost from Amy Poehler, and judging from its abundance of different promos, clips, and trailers, her quirky take on a (mostly) happily married but doubt-bedeviled 40-something (cribbed from an Orli Auslander memoir) is immediately (and darkly) enchanting. On first glance, it looks like what would happen if a slightly more together version of Bojack‘s Diane Nguyen got her own series. That it comes from Aseem Batra, late of Scrubs and the vastly underappreciated A.P. Bio gives it even more instant cred. Plus, there’s the promise of many dry asides from deadpan master Zach Cherry (see Crashing)

KATHERINE’S PICK:
Big Food Truck Tip [Food, 10p]
Andrew Zimmern travels across the U.S. looking for one special truck to give a $10,000 tip. Because America has diverse flavor, and food trucks are awesome, I assume. In tonight’s premiere through episode two (which immediately follows), Zimmern visits Birmingham and Memphis; in season one he also goes to Minneapolis, Charleston, California, and Salt Lake City.

BRAD’S PICK:
American Horror Story: Apocalypse [FX, 10p]
The reigning premier horror anthology’s season premiere was totally bonkers. What could happen in this week’s episode is anyone’s guess. But I’m sure it deals with radiation and cannibalism. I can’t be the only one who thought Joan Collins had died years ago. Nope – we’re all gettin’ the Joan Collins special.

FIONA’S PICK:
MasterChef [Fox, 8p]
Finale time! The top three will battle it out with a three course dinner. I’m excited to see what they all choose to make without the constraints of a challenge. I want to see their food personalities shine!

ALSO ON TAP TONIGHT:

• Bill Pullman’s detective Harry Ambrose, whose name is a hint he’s from another time, returned to his hometown for the second (sadly Biel-less) season of The Sinner, which has its finale tonight on USA
• Yesterday, we saw (and rec’d) the return of Ink Master. If you’re not tattoo’ed out, come right back for Black Ink Crew on VH1.
• No new John Oliver or Trevor Noah, so our sole source for Grade-A resistance humor this week is TBS’ Full Frontal with Samantha Bee.
• Feels like Suits hasn’t been around for awhile, but then its Suits, so we don’t always take notice. New Suits on USA tonight for filled with all your law talking guy-goodness (no, we haven’t lost our passion for this work).