Box office Weekend: April 6, 2018

It’s April, so it’s a real mixed bag at the theaters. You can see Black Panther again, or try your luck on A Quiet Place. (Or Pandas, if you have kids.) No releases from Hulu this week, but there’s two titles new to Netflix.

Onward!


The Miracle Season is a purposely vague Christian film about the “inspiring true story” of how a high school volleyball team CAME BACK AGAINST ALL ODDS TO WIN after one of its own tragically, suddenly died. (In a moped accident.) Helen Hunt stars as the team’s coach, and for the love of the Lord, why is she doing this to us? HBO did a short doc on the life of Caroline.


The Humanity Bureau stars Nicholas Cage.


Chappaquiddick is about that time Ted Kennedy drove off a bridge, survived, and left his passenger, Mary Jo Kepechne, to drown. It’s probably a fine movie (here’s a good review), but given the sadness of the story, and that the Republicans like to bring this up with the same frequency of HILLARY’S EMAILS!!!!!, I can’t say I have any interest.


The Endless is a supernatural thriller. Two brother investigate a UFO death cult they had escaped years earlier. Bad idea, dudes.


Spinning Man is a thriller starring Pierce Brosnan, Guy Pearce, and Odeya Rush. Brosnan is a detective investigating the abduction and murder of a young woman. Pearce is an oddly American-accented professor suscpeted of the crime. Minnie Driver is his wife, who quickly outs him to the cops! This is one of the few thrillers out this week wherein the entire plot is not already available on Wikipedia.


Lowlife is a “mordantly humorous” film about “the dank underbelly of Los Angeles.” It’s violent but also darkly funny according to critics.


The Heart of Nuba is a documentary about an American doctor who serves the townspeople of Nuba. Nuba is a small town in Sudan, and it is bombed relentlessly.


You Were Never Really Here is Lynne Ramsey’s latest. Joaquin Phoenix stars as Joe, a veteran with severe PTSD, who rescues victims of trafficking. This film seems distressingly unpleasant, and I would steer my parents away from it…but I love Lynne Ramsey, so I guess I’m seeing it.


Pandas is an IMAX documentary about PANDAS. Kristen Bell narrates the documentary, which looks at pandas raised in captivity for the purpose of repopulating in the wild.


The Possessed is a Chinese horror film. Two men witness a soul restoration ceremony in a small town find themselves haunted when they return home.


A Quiet Place stars John Krasinski, who also co-wrote and directed the film, and real-life wife Emly Blunt as the heads of a family who survived an attack from blind monsters several years ago. The monsters, unseen in the trailer, hunt by sound. I for one, have a lot of concerns for Blunt’s character, who will give birth silently. The film also stars Millicent Simmonds, a deaf actress who starred in last year’s Wonderstruck.


Blockers stars John Cena, Leslie Mann, and Ike Barinholtz as three parents who try to stop their daughters from losing their virginity on prom night. The ads make me feel sort of angry, like, Wouldn’t it be nice if there was some hand-wringing over the sexual promiscuity of a boy?, or Couldn’t they be honest about sex with their kids? but Kay Cannon directed the film and feels very feminist about it.


Shelter is a thriller about two women who grow close but also distrust…ugh I can’t.

And coming Wednesday:


Hitler’s Hollywood is a documentary formed through the collage of over 1,000 movies made by the Third Reich from 1933-1945. It’s weird how Hitler loved Hollywood but the Nazis today need to drum up Fake News to get dumb people into a lather so they plow their car through a crowd of people.


Beirut is a thriller. Jon Hamm stars as a U.S. diplomat called back to Lebanon ten years after fleeing in the 1970s. Rosamund Pike is the CIA agent who convinces him to return. The story is fiction.

On Netflix…


Seth Rogen’s Hilarity for Charity special benefits Alzheimer’s research and features all the funny people we like right now (Sarah Silverman, Tiffany Hadish, Craig Robinson, Chelsea Peretti, etc.).


The Boss Baby: Back in Business stars JP Karliak as Alec Baldwin’s Boss Baby, which was somehow Oscar-nominated when it was a film. This is a series because we’re in the Bad Place and already dead.


Paterno airs Saturday at 8 p.m. on HBO. Al Pacino stars as the revered and disgraced Penn State Coach, Kathy Baker is his wife, Riley Keough is Sarah Ganim, the Pulitzer-winning journalist who breaks the story. The film is directed by Barry Levinson.

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