Weekend Box Office: December 9, 2016

Moana, Disney’s latest, won the box office with $28.4 million. This weekend’s estimates wonder if the animated movie can be unseated by Office Christmas Party, which is rated R.

Kill Ratio stars Tom Hopper (who? Black Sails) as an “American covert operative” who must protect a “fledgling leader” of a European country. Mhmm.

Befikre is a Indian/Hindi movie about two people who fall in love in Paris. Despite my reservations about the other musical opening this weekend, this seems totally charming. Ranveer Singh and Vaani Kapoor star. When I fall in love in Paris I hope there’s a lot more cheese.

Abattoir is a horror film about a journalist (she’s gonna die) and a cop (maybe gonna die) who investigate a serial killer but end up in the kill room. Because abattoir means “slaughterhouse” and not “expensive wine.”

Contract to Kill is a new Steven Seagal movie.

Sword Master is a 3D martial arts film about a man haunted by his own power.

Sugar Mountain is a thriller about two bored brothers who plan to fake their disappearance in the Alaskan wilderness, so they’ll have a good story to tell, but oops, come across harm and foul. Man, when I go to New Orleans I drink too many Irish coffees and run a 5k, that’s how I get my stories.

Frank & Lola stars Michael Shannon, who is finally in everything, and Imogen Poots as two very unhappy people who briefly find love in Las Vegas and Paris.

Nocturnal Animals is a thrilled directed by Tom Ford, starring Isla Fisher, Amy Adams, Jake Gyllenhaal, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, and Michael Shannon. Gyllenhaal is the ex-husband of fancy lady Amy Adams, whose sole task in the film is to feel guilty about having cheated on him (spoiler!), and read his apparently superb novel, in which he is the aggrieved husband whose family is murdered by some violent Southern dudes.

La La Land is a musical written and directed by Damien Chazelle, who brought us Whiplash. It stars Emma Stone, as a struggling actress, and Ryan Gosling, a struggling jazz musician (counseled by his black friend, Jon Legend). The two fall in love in LA through song and dance. Critics, and even people whose opinions I trust, are in love with this movie, but all I can muster is a meh.

The Bounce Back stars Shemar Moore as a notoriously single “relationship guru” who falls in love.

The Brand New Testament is a dark comedy which imagines that the Lord is a jerk living in Brussels. That’s weird, since Bruges is like a fucking fairytale or something.

Office Christmas Party stars T.J. Miller as the head of an office run by Jennifer Aniston, and he’s sure that an epic Christmas party will close an account and keep the office open.

Miss Sloane is a dark political thriller starring Jessica Chastain as a lobbyist who always wins. Allison Pill and Gugu Mbatha-Raw are among the cast. There’s a lot of buzz even though we’re supposed to hate Miss Sloane and that feels gross.

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