Weekend Box Office: September 16, 2016

Did Don’t Breathe win the box office again? …No. Sully crashed into the Hudson and a miraculous (see what I did there?) first place with $35.5 million. Old people are reportedly to blame for this success (is this foreshadowing for the election?), with 80 percent of the audiences coming in at 35+. When the Bough Breaks broke into second place with $15 million, hot damn.

This weekend we have TWO sequels: one to 1999’s The Blair Witch Project, and another is an additional installment to the Bridget Jones franchise.

Silicon Cowboys is a documentary about the invention of the “Compaq portable computer.” IBM was not pleased.

The Beatles: Eight Days A Week is a documentary from Ron Howard. It is Hulu’s first acquisition for the Hulu Documentary Films Collection. (See it here.) The film is about the Beatles’ touring years, from Liverpool to their final concert in San Francisco.

Operation Avalanche is a “found footage conspiracy thriller” about CIA agents who infiltrate NASA to smoke out a mole but find instead that the moon landing was faked. Filmmaker Matt Johnson claims that he filmed the NASA scenes on location by LYING TO NASA THAT HE WAS MAKING A STUDENT FILM. Here‘s a video of Buzz Aldrin punching Bart Sibrel, a conspiracy theorist. We don’t support strident republicans or violence at Screen Scholars but we do support freaking science.

Miss Stevens stars Lily Rabe as a woman who comes of age when she chaperones three teenagers at a weekend-long drama competition. Rob Huebel, whose shown real talent as the restrained, irritable estranged husband on Transparent is the age-appropriate love interest. Finally, a movie I’d beg Navani to see with me, and Jason too!

Tell Me How I Die finds a group of college students suffering from the visions of their own murders following the participation of a trial study for a new drug. Noel Murray at The LA Times says it’s not the drug or a murderer that’ll kill ya, it’s boredom.

Snowden stars the Internet’s boyfriend, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, as Edward Snowden. The film is directed by Oliver Stone, making this the second week in a row with a biopic with a questionable director. Also in this film are Shailene Woodley, Melissa Leo, Nicholas Cage, and my boyfriend, Timothy Elephant.

Bridget Jones’s Baby, the third installment in the Bridget Jones story, which further diverges from Pride & Prejudice finds Bridget pregnant with a baby that is the son or daughter of her estranged husband or her new, junky boyfriend. Oh my god, if Bridget and Mark can’t make it, what hope is there for any of us?

Blair Witch is a return to The Blair Witch Project, which I am opposed to on the grounds that I grew up in Frederick County, Maryland, and 1) we have scarier ghost stories than this one (it’s historical and was “created” in 1748) and 2) Burkittsville itself is plenty scary without a made up witch. Have I ever sped my mother’s car so fast down a dirt road as I did in 2004? Have I taken my own damn car to Burtkittsville? Hell no. Plus the original film used locations in Montgomery County and Baltimore County (pretty awesome actually), whereas this was filmed…somewhere.

So Blair Witch finds the sibling of one of the original three out in the Black Hills (not in Burkittsville) looking for her sibling. The original three college students disappeared in 1999 (ah, the holocene years before teenagers looking for ghosts in the woods), and now these youths are sure to disappear and leave behind their found footage, too!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s