Ranking the Worst of “You’re the Worst”

You’re the Worst, which is actually the best returns Wednesday. When we last saw the spoiled and petulant residents of Silver Lake they were settling into the lives they created through a series of bad choices. On a scale of 0 (the best) to 10 (the worst) where does everyone rank?

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Jimmy Shive-Overly stalked his girlfriend, tried to leave her during the depths of her despair after blatantly ignoring her depression, and got wasted at a party because it was “his turn” to be taken care of. But he also convinced Gretchen to get help, and revealed his true self when he told Gretchen he loved her. Verdict: 6

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Gretchen Cutler started a fake feud that turned into a real feud (and endangered the life of a chinchilla), ended the feud when she ended a violent fight in a parking lot — and managed to do her job despite her crippling depression. Gretchen had all of the great speeches this season, including a heartbreaking plea for Jimmy to leave her. It turned out Gretchen thought she was managing her depression just fine (nope) but agreed to get help in the finale. Verdict: 5

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Edgar Quintero got into sketch comedy, found a girlfriend, and asked to move in with her. He’s come a long way from living in his car. Then Edgar told Dorothy he’s not ready to live with someone (mostly because making breakfast for Jimmy everyday allows him to feel safe). Edgar communicates his feelings, even though it’s hard for him, and he’s the only character who cares about anyone else. Verdict: 0 Edgar is literally the best. He’s also one of the most interesting characters on television.

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Dorothy Durwood quit her sexist sketch troupe, is the voice of reason, and isn’t beat down by the selfishness of everyone around her. She’s the only character that doesn’t belittle Edgar’s PTSD. (How bad should we feel about those jokes about Qatar?) She also encouraged Edgar to leave Jimmy. Verdict: 0

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Lindsay Jillian is, by the far, the unhappiest person. Impregnated through condom failure or microwaved sperm, Lindsay was last seen riding in Paul’s sidecar after he Took Her Back, Or Whatever That Was after Becca’s party. Lindsay was mean to Edgar, divorced Paul, has no real job, and fell for Coast to Coast conspiracy theories. Still, burning her vagina was punishment enough, and the smartest thing Lindsay can do is not stay with Paul and not have his child. Stop it Lindsay! You were unhappy when you were married. Strike out on your own! Verdict: 8

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Paul Jillian dumped his girlfriend — who forgave him for cheating — to be with his ex-wife, who is pregnant. Who treated him like dirt, who never loved him, and only recently learned the importance of paying utility bills. He also gave Vernon $15,000. GET IT TOGETHER PAUL. Verdict: 9

Amy Cadingle savagely beat Paul when he broke up with her. Violence is bad, but I hope Amy comes back, she was irritatingly good-hearted. Verdict: 3

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Becca Barbara told Paul Lindsay was pregnant. She had one job, and that was not telling her sister’s ex-husband that she was pregnant. Now Paul and Lindsay are stuck with each other. It’s like the only good decision Becca ever made was turning down Jimmy’s proposal. Becca is a miserable witch determined to drag everyone down with her. Verdict: 10 Becca is the worst.

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Vernon Barbara ruined his own gender reveal party (ew) when he drank too much trash juice. Vernon gave away thousands upon thousands of dollars to a cash slave, “an extreme form of submission where you give away thousands of dollars only to be told you’re a piece of shit by a dominatrix you’ll likely never meet or actually have sex with.” He also grabbed Lindsay’s boob. Verdict: 10 Vernon is literally the worst.

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Sam, Shitstain, and Honeynutz are the best characters on this show. They’re the most intelligent characters, and it’s a delight to learn more about their hobbies and interests. They recognize their flaws and are willing to apologize and make up; it takes big men to come back from diss tracks like “New Phone, Who Dis?” Sam, Honeynutz, and Shitstain are inarguably inspired by Oddfuture, and yet I want to give the fictional trio all of my money. (Maybe it’s because they wouldn’t attack a photographer.) Verdict: 1 — these guys are kind of the best.

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